Can an affair actually improve your marriage?

• The idea that an affair can be helpful for a marriage is a major rationalization; and here are four reasons why.

• It's a Lie

  I've heard it said and I think its very true -- "You are as sick as your secrets!" Hiding an affair from your spouse is a toxic secret. People keep it secret because they mistakenly think they are protecting their spouse. But the damage has already been done. Keeping it secret only pours salt in the wound.

• It's Selfish

  An affair, even if you come back to your relationship with a renewed sense of appreciation for your spouse, is a very selfish act. What if your spouse cheated on you -- even if they liked you more afterwards -- how would you feel? Most likely you'd feel betrayed, cheated, back-stabbed, like you could never trust them again. So then, why is it OK for you to cheat on them?

• A commitment to another

  Marriage is a financial, sexual, social, institutional, lifelong commitment. You make a promise to dedicate your body, mind, heart and actions to your spouse -- and only your spouse. Having an emotional or sexual affair is committing yourself to another person. It doesn't matter if you like your spouse more after your affair, or if they never find out. You are now committed to that other person as well as your spouse. That "other" commitment will follow you for the rest of your life. That "other" commitment will negatively affect all other commitments.

• A life of no consequences

  Having an affair is an attempt to live a life without any consequences. In other words, you want to have your cake and eat it to. You want a committed, trusting and loving relationship, and you want your lust and fantasies satisfied by another. Sorry, but you can't have it both ways. Isaac Newton's third law of thermodynamics states that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Whatever action you take, there is an inescapable positive or negative consequence.
  Do yourself a favor and stop rationalizing. An affair will not somehow magically turn out to benefit you and those around you. It's destructive behavior, and will always be destructive. If you are not satisified with your relationship, that never means it's time for an affair. Instead, invest in your marriage. Build your spouse up. Do the hard work. You'll be glad you did.